I am in the office where I have spent the last almost 5 years and it is my last day. More accurately, it is my last night.
I started here in the hope of a flexible, night job, that would leave my days free for auditions. Little did I know that this place will become much more than that.
When you have a “boss” who trusts you so much that she doesn’t control the hours, when you come, when you leave, how long you stay, if you come at all or if you stay the whole day, then the place starts to change you. When she doesn’t check, ask or supervise, knowing that you do your best, and that is good enough, when your ideas are actually considered, really listened to and incorporated, it starts to hit home.
When you speak on the phone with people who sometimes swear at you, yet others can barely breathe of old age, while donating hundreds of dollars for a charity, it makes you really see. A lot of things.
I believe that everyone should work for a charity at least to see how people react when they are asked for help. Such a place is ran by people who are really charitable. And, as they say, when you give, it returns right back to you. But to give without expecting something in return is the key.
The number of people who feel entitled, or… entitled, or… let me think of another word… entitled to treat a charity with less than respect, because they spared some of their cash, is hard to take, I must confess. I have talked to a lot of people for almost 5 years and I am still not able to not take it personally when some put their frustration into the call coming from a charity they believe in, after all. The way some people can treat others just because they can, starting from hang ups and escalating to bad words is, to me, at least a very interesting facet of humanity.
You donate because you “care”, then use that as a justification for verbal cruelty. That’s just an observation and a feeling that I got from the way a lot of the donors treat the people who call. No matter how nice, polite, and genuine you happen to be.
It’s all good in the end. The social machine does its job. Some people donate, others administer it, then it goes to the good cause, yet I am still seeing a lot of fake generosity, while real generosity is crucially “changing molecules” around.
The way this charity spilled its spirit into my life is immeasurable. And I don’t doubt that the same spirit can be found in many more other organizations. To be touched by people with such a big heart makes me see all the public figures and well known charitable organizations with different eyes.
It makes me feel strongly that art without a charitable end is like a dove without wings.
I have quit my last part time job, to pursue my longtime longed self-employment. When I quit, I didn’t feel any anxiety. Any worry. Any bad feeling at all. And, I must say that, lately, anxiety made good friends with me. Friends as in inseparable mate.
When I sent my letter of resignation, I was cheering, laughing out loud, being excited in a way that made me want to squint and really see this path I was going on. Starting the road that I had always wanted to ride, crossing the bridge between the Universe I knew and the Universe I’d always dreamed of.
It is so interesting how we want and want and want and then, the Universe clicks, it switches gears and says: Welcome to the parallel Universe you have visited in your imagination. Now how does that feel?
I am here, between the two Universes and it is as if I have to get used to the new reality, to the new paradigm: “I am happy! I did it! This is the path of success and I can do it, I know it.”
It is the feeling of edge between excitement and anxiety. It seems to be the excitement of the new and unknown and the adventure of infinite possibilities, and the anxiety of habitually having too many worries, too many hours of madness and too many cries that went up with the question: “How do I do this, God??”
It is like deciding that this path will be hard, and it was. It’s like agreeing with everyone around who shook their head and said that this path is not for everyone. And it isn’t.
Is this being in the moment? I am not sure and I am grateful in this instance that I can afford these minutes to write down these thoughts. I have so many people to look up to and ready to guide me. God answered and I am ever so grateful for where I am!
It is only how you decide to see things. If you see your life/work/environment as inhospitable, they will be. If you decide that you can be different and you will infect your environment with positive energy, then so will be.
I read and hear about actors or other personalities who, when they enter the room, they “change the molecules”, shift energies, uplift everyone through their mere presence.
I don’t think that this is a quality reserved for personalities or public figures. In fact, I believe this to be a quality any of us can own and cultivate.
We can be either victims of our circumstances, or change the circumstances as we go in the room. We can stop looking for ‘good neighborhoods’, ‘proper friends’ and ‘wonderful jobs’ and set ourselves up for disappointment, and, we can go in a neighborhood, have friends and take jobs that we turn around with our energy and intentions.
When we have the ‘asking mindset’, we are at the complete mercy of the luck and we can pray to have better fortunes, yet we are asking the cookie to ‘give’ us, to ‘help’ us, to ‘mold’ us.
When we are in the ‘doing mindset’, whatever the circumstance, we turn it around in our advantage. And, as the bee makes honey in the search for her bliss (eating pollen), that is how we will ‘change the molecules’ of the room we enter, by staying in our happy place and not be bothered if someone moves a lamp in it.
Go change molecules, and don’t forget that your happiness is pretty serious stuff for everyone around.
I have always felt that, by choosing something, I would miss the infinite other possibilities that the Universe has in store. You become an engineer, you can’t be an artist, you buy the red dress, you miss the elegance of the black..
What is the solution, provided that we don’t have the power to re-incarnate ourselves on demand?
What I tried, was to experience every possible option that has ever become available to me, so I have 10 lives worth of baggage. I went to a philology high-school, but got my MSc in Engineering, then I switched to theatre. I can cover my room’s walls with the diplomas and certificates I have in the most diverse domains: makeup, computer programming, filmmaking, computerized design. I got married, but then I got divorced and moved to another country: “How does it feel to be immigrant?” Well, now I know. I made a lot of money, then gave everything up to become a ‘starving actor’. Well, now I know how that is too. How is to be self-employed, how is to work for a charity, how is to climb the rocky mountains tied in a rope, how is to be the party butterfly and how is to be all alone with just your dog.
I got a conclusion, though. I certainly hope I will find ways to enjoy all the facets of its fruition:) all you need is love. Love what you do before you do it and you are golden, with an easy life (unless you want to experience the hardship of a tough one), and life will take care of you at every step.
You and I are both very aware of the fact that we have been conditioned by society (starting with our family) by getting attention when we get upset. Especially credit card companies, stores and service providers are all jumping up in despair when we get upset: “Ouch, upset customer, let’s bend backwards to make them happy!”
We built this habit of getting upset since we were 2, and said our first “NO”. Since then, we gradually grew sour with this “upset” game, as it turns out that it gets us sick and unhappy. Yet we keep doing it, as our synapses don’t know better, they know what they have been trained to do.
You surely observed the toddler who falls down and first looks around to see if there is any adult in sight to claim attention from. If there’s someone in reach, they start crying. If they’re alone, they stand up and get on with their walk or whatever they were doing.
Here’s an idea: what if we consciously built a habit of laughing when life doesn’t turn out the way we expect?
I am sure you saw at least one child who, being with their friends, when they fall they don’t cry, rather they laugh at their clumsiness.
Why don’t we do the same? Laugh at our own clumsiness, brush it off and get on with what we were doing. It is hard (if not impossible) to lose a habit, but a habit is lost when instead we consciously build another one.
Laugh, my friends, laugh! After all, it IS funny, because in the end, everything turns out well
August 14th, 2011 | Category: Lifestyle | Comments are closed
I’ve been told that I am beautiful at the oddest times of my life.
That doesn’t mean that I think I am beautiful (my thoughts say the opposite to me), but people’s reaction has been more than strange, for what I am concerned.
Let me elaborate. Whenever I work on my appearance so much that I think that at least some award should come my way, people not only don’t notice me, but they are a little turned off. Hmm… that’s a thinker. Why would that be? Beats me!
On the other hand, whenever I am so involved in what I do that little do I even notice the people around me, never-mind paying attention to my appearance, I get the most unbelievable compliments. How come? I didn’t even have my hairdo with that little curl and I didn’t even use moose today!
So, people, dear wonderful friends, what would be the reason? I guess that is the same old ‘being in the moment’ tricky adventure. You can’t quite DO ‘being in the moment’. We are either in the moment, involved into doing something for someone, helping, dedicating our energy into producing something valuable… or we are just ‘posing’ being, I guess.
It’s so hard to shut off our mind and make it sit quietly in her bony corner (I call my mind Brenda ) and leave us BE, without commenting on how we are doing. We are always doing great, Miss. Brenda, mind your own ‘mind’ business, do some planning for my next vacation in Hawaii, look after the budgeting and don’t let me overspend, or anything that fits your skills. ‘Being’ is out of your league so just… just… get the…
Phew! Hihi, look at me arguing with Brenda – wouldn’t you think I am crazy? Of course! But we all are doing this. Some much less obviously and loudly than me here, but we all say to ‘us’: ‘Should I do this? Maybe not. Oh, but yes, mom says that I could try. I have to do it, she’d be upset if I didn’t and she’d feel ignored. But I cannot let mom make my life forever, I’ll have to step up and tell her that this is not what I really want. Or maybe not just yet…’
Well, you may not say this to yourself, all of you, but some of us do. And who is that ‘ourself’ that we are talking to? Well, I called her Brenda. You may call her or him ‘me’ or ‘I’.
Going back to beauty… We are beautiful in all of our true moments. In each moment we are either in the moment or thinking about it (like me and Brenda just demonstrated above). When we think about our life, we are fading away, become pale, breathe shallowly, frown most of the times, don’t quite see what is around us (thus missing our life in the moments we spend in our head), forget to smile.
When we are in the moment we mostly think about others. Doing something for someone – listening for some feed-back is always keeping you current and in the moment – doing something you LOVE for someone you care. That makes you breathe deeper, which makes your skin look great, you smile for the love of what you do and we also see every detail of things going on in front of us.
Be careful, though, you cannot plan to be in the moment. We just have to surrender to what is exactly happening right here, right now, like the true desire for someone that you can’t help but want to touch. The mind (my Brenda) will always want to take control, cuz she’s the best mom we will ever have: she’s taking care of our survival. So do to her what you did to your mom when she was worrying too much. Say: “Yes, mom!” and go on with your life as it unfolds.
I want to share with you an idea that most of us are pondering on. We feel, every so often, some more often than not, that we are procrastinating.
Either when we are planning on starting a project, or starting a new path in our life, going for something that we always wanted to do or just plain opening our heart to someone dear and telling our truth.
We also think we procrastinate when we want to finish a project, or go all the way in a relationship, or even staying in a habit that we have been educating ourselves to learn, and something “comes in our way” to completing what we have started.
So are we procrastinating, are we lazy or cowardly shy?
I believe that we are neither of these. And this doesn’t mean that we have to indulge in this behavior, but seeing what it really is may help judge ourselves less. When we judge (ourselves or others), we resist something and keep it in place. So why are we judging ourselves for not starting or keeping up or finishing something?
Procrastination, as we call it (I really think that, linguistically, it’s a beautiful name they gave it ) is our dearest friends. The most loyal and the most useful. If we see it that way. Reason is that s/he (Mr. or Mrs. Procrastination that is) is protecting us from being hurt, disappointed, from feeling that we are not capable of doing something, for feeling bad that we are not “as good as we should be”. It stops us from starting something that our mind sees as threatening. It stops us from continuing or finishing these things. What would be our identity if, after years of doing something good, we would finish it all of a sudden? Would we be ‘us’ again?
Who would we be if we would make the money we always wanted? Or having the relationship we always dreamed? Or having that house that we pinned on our vision board? Or be the entrepreneurs that we always worked at becoming? Procrastination helps us keep our identity. Is the twin brother of perseverance. Only it’s slowing things down, keeping them in place. If perseverance pulled us further, procrastination keeps the status quo. Doesn’t allow us to get out of the Universe that we have created, so that we are not facing the fear and insecurity of crossing to another, unknown, un-tapped Universe.
So, when Procrastination knocks at your door, don’t yell at it, don’t lock the door, don’t resist the fact that s/he is visiting. Instead, look at it as your mom who is concerned that her baby will be safe and asks the question: “Do you think it’s safe to do this?” Just tell her that you know what you do because you go with your heart and she will go back to her room and knit another safety blanket. Resist her and she’ll keep knocking.
Befriend your Procrastination and s/he’ll never bother you. S/he’ll keep knocking, but will be shyer and shyer.
I have to first thank you all for liking my blog! It means so much to me: my hand that reached out in the void didn’t hit cold empty space, but touched the hearts of the people who stopped by and nodded at the beginnings of this soul-searching playground.
I have to confess something. Today it realized how success makes my skin crawl and this is because, subconsciously, I am SCARED to succeed.
I was always, since my elementary school – even kindergarten – the second best. At everything. In school I was a proud 90% (because 100% is “boring”, or because “the teacher wouldn’t give me one”, or other reasons like this. On the back of my head, though, I always saw myself at the top: “I can do that too, what’s the big deal?”, or “It’s just practice, what is the scoop with the attention this girl/guy gets over his/her marks?”, and so on…
And, let’s be honest: the 90%-ers are always liked, they know enough to be respected and not enough to be hated. So it’s the COMFORT zone that everyone aims for. And stays in.
My high school was a complete failure – didn’t want to go to the best (or second best) high school in town, where all my friends went, to continue the fun and the friendly competition with them; I decided to be “different”, under the pretext of doing what I did best, yet not going fully for it. I did best literature, languages and I always wanted to go in the arts, so I went to a school I didn’t have any friends in and where it proved that I didn’t get to make any friends after all, even after the 4 years of crap I had to put up with there. I kept my habit of the 90%, so, at least, nobody hated me or despised me.
The first time I have decided to be successful was in the University. When I started, I said to myself: I’ll be an A+ student, let’s see how that feels like. And I was. I didn’t care if I made or broke friendships for that, I didn’t really get attached to the place, but I lived my promise to be a star student, and I’ve been for the entire time I’ve been there. The experience that I had, on the other side, was that nobody liked me from my colleagues. They other loved me or they hated me. I was once even “judged” by the class, for having the results to my projects on time. A real trial, where me and a friend of mine, who was also an A+ girl, the only person I could check my results from the homework with. Funny? It was, but just for me… The teachers, on the other hand, were on my team. The conclusion is that it was really lonely.
So I went back to my second best place after the University, sometimes undermining my successes even more than that. It was the comfort zone.
The second time I’ve played the “Success” game was about 10 years ago. I decided to make good money. I started with $10/hr and got up to $50/hr in a matter of about 2 years. The economy helped, of course, but it is my determination that I wanted to point out. I put my tail up, just like the tiger, to keep his balance when he jumps, and I went for the kill. Every time I’d try, I’d succeed. I decided my price and I went for it. But that means moving around, working long hours, not quite socializing and not having time to make friends. So, again, lonely.
The game was awesome, had lots of fun playing it, but it came a time when I wanted to have the closeness of people, and people sometimes judge you for being successful, if you let that influence your take on what it is that you chose to do. Something I learned later is that, as you become successful, you may have to change your friends, if they are not supportive of you. This was a hard pill to swallow for me, but now I am prepared to take the challenge.
What I saw today is that that “loneliness” was really the subconscious telling me to go back to the comfort of the 90%, of the “likable”, but not “lovable” or “hate-able”. That the fear of offending my friends (and even family) was coming from the uncanny novelty of the Universe I saw from outside my comfort zone. That the comfort zone can be as vicious as anything that is not looked at with the heart, but measured based on values that are not serving us anymore.
What I am pointing out is that, if you are terrified to start or do or continue something, that just means that you are on the right track, outside your comfort zone, crossing towards a new Universe that you didn’t know it existed. Couple this courage with love, and you are likely to attract more love than hate, rather than plenty of neutral ‘likes’.
With this said, let me tell you that I don’t feel at all that your “Likes” on this page are neutral, so please comment and tell me, what are Your signs of success?
From the heart,
Also, don’t forget to take advantage of the INTRODUCTORY PRICE we have on one-on-one consultations. Go to the Cart to get your spot. This price will not stay for long, so don’t procrastinate
Thank you for stopping by! You’ll surely have food for thought at this URL and you will leave it with a smile. I promise!
First things first: this is not my picture, but an image that inspires me. I hope to inspire you to follow your heart and, to all those who can relate to my story, welcome! (read more about my story here)
Also, take advantage of the INTRODUCTORY PRICE we have on one-on-one consultations. Go to the Cart to get your spot. This price will not stay for long, so don’t procrastinate
Now, why am I starting this venture? Because I believe that anything is possible, regardless of the circumstances, and I feel very strongly about inspiring others to believe the same and act on it. I want to share what I have been learning for the longest time and see many happy faces and offer shortcuts to those of you who have been looking for one. Communities are the best way to learn from each other and, after having my share off line friends, family and clients that I have assisted, I’ve decided to expand my circle because I LOVE helping people!
As an actress, I am in full-time mission to find out who I really am, to discover whether I express my core or I am playing a role programmed in my childhood or later on in my life. This is my quest as an artist, in order to offer to the audience an authentic character and tell the entire, not adjusted or prettied-up truth.
During this process, I learned some tools that helped me so much and I found around so many of my friends and people I came across who were not aware that these tools are at our fingertips and that they can enjoy their own perfection, as one of 6.9 billion people on this Earth.
Through this blog, I would like to help everyone who feels estranged from their truth and who are looking for tools to help them find the gold nugget that is the true themselves. After helping a lot of my “offline” friends, I feel it is the time to see what the world says and I know that all your comments will also help me discover a clearer Me, as I will wholeheartedly share the experience that I gained during this quest.
It is also a part of my daily routine to “design” the lifestyles of my characters and it is at times challenging to keep my own healthy and centered. And, as they say that we should teach what we need to learn, I am committed to sharing my findings with you and by that to learn more…
I hope to be of assistance to all of you and I know we will learn a lot from each other!
From the heart,
Stay tuned for the book “Wealthy, Independent and Sexy – How to wake up the tiger in you and get from life all that you deserve” (will be available on Kindle).